From “Shoulds” to “Wants”
The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They can be brief and fleeting. They can be perpetual - showing up often - and deeply embedded. Of course, they can be somewhere in between.
More often than not, the storied response happens so quickly that we don't even notice it and we don't realize that this story, the words, the automatic internal response isn't the only narrative. It doesn't have to be.
But first we have to just take a moment to stop, breathe and notice what is being said.
Shifting my Story
I remember when I first started working with my self-talk and my stories. The first thing I noticed was that the word "should" was a big part of my narrative.
"I should weigh 125 pounds"
"I should be able to run a mile in under 7 minutes"
"I should be able to fit into a size I wore in high school" (I can't help but giggle when I recall that - I was a BABY!)
The 'shoulds' went on.
These were things I told myself regularly, but not knowingly. But so what? What is the trouble with the word "should"? It seemed pretty innocuous – totally harmless.
From ‘Shoulds’ to ‘Wants’
What I started to realize is that I was using this word to compare me to the outside world, to random external standards. Because let's be honest, with a bone mass in the 100th percentile, guess what, I was probably never going to weigh 125 pounds and feel healthy and balanced. And that made me feel like crap.
So I changed my story of 'shoulds' to a story of 'WANTS'.
"I want to be able to do 5 pull ups"
"I want to feel good in the clothes I wear"
"I want to eat food I enjoy and gives me energy"
Instead of measuring myself against what I think I'm supposed to do according to the outside world, I'm simply giving myself the power of choice and openness...I am taking my power back. This small but meaningful shift made a serious impact on my motivation, my self-compassion and ultimately, what I was feeling in my actual life.
The stories we tell ourselves - the words we use - can hinder us and they can help us. They can lift us up, offer compassion, empower us, remind us that we are incredible, unique beings on this wonderful planet.
Maybe the words are different, and the story too, but what story are you telling yourself today?
Kat Libby
Holistic Health and Mindset Coach
